The Guilt of Having It All
How Millennial Indian Women in Australia Are Redefining Success, Family, and Self-Worth
Australia’s data shows 17% of women have experienced partner violence since age 15, and one in three migrant women report domestic or family abuse. Among South Asian communities, studies show up to 32% of women have encountered or witnessed dowry-related coercion or financial control.
By Rinchaal Patel
Mindset and Relationship Coach (YOLO Academy)
They are the women who did everything right. They studied hard, migrated to Australia in the early 2000s, built careers, created families, and checked every box that once defined success. Yet, beneath the surface of their carefully balanced lives — run by color-coded calendars and endless to-do lists — many carry a quiet, persistent weight: the guilt of having it all.
It is the unspoken inheritance of a generation raised between duty and desire, expectation and independence. For millennial Indian women living in Australia, guilt isn’t just an emotion — it’s a constant undercurrent shaping how they love, parent, and belong.
The Dual Life of the Modern Indian Woman
These women are the product of post-liberalization India – raised by parents who dreamed of stability, and societies that demanded perfection. They were told to pursue success, but with humility. Ambition, but with restraint. Independence, but never at the expense of family.
When they arrived in Australia, those lessons travelled with them. They became professionals by day, caregivers by evening, emotional anchors by default. And while they gained financial freedom, many found themselves emotionally indebted — to families back home, partners beside them, and children before them.
“We call it achievement, but often it’s just exhaustion disguised as success,” says a psychologist who works closely with South Asian women.
“They’re constantly toggling between gratitude and guilt — for the life they’ve built and the life they left behind.”
For millennial Indian women, guilt shows up in subtle ways. It is the pang of missing a call from aging parents in India. The hesitation before posting a vacation photo that might seem “too indulgent.” The uneasy silence after being called “lucky”.
It is also the guilt of being a working mother — wanting to be fully present at work and at home, knowing that doing both often means being absent somewhere. That quickly converts to guilt and keeps them in a constant state of inner conflict.
As one mother shared, “No one told us that freedom would feel this heavy. I love what I have built here, but sometimes I feel like I am constantly apologizing- to my kids, to my parents, to my partner and even to myself.”
“As soon as I find some sort of calm within myself, something will happen and the goal post would feel farther than my reach. I am constantly chasing that goal post that would allow me to enjoy things guilt free” says another working mother.
Shifting Sibling Bonds and the Changing Family Web
In many families, migration redefined sibling dynamics. The physical distance turned shared childhood memories into intermittent phone calls and WhatsApp groups. Over time, roles evolved — the one abroad became the “responsible one,” the problem solver, the emotional bridge between aging parents and extended family.
What used to be a relationship of equality became one of quiet expectation. This shift, though often unspoken, adds another layer to the emotional load many Indian women in Australia carry.
“When you are the daughter who left, you often become the emotional caretaker for everyone who stayed.”
It is not resentment — it is responsibility, wrapped in love and guilt.
The Hidden Strain in Modern Marriages
While many millennial Indian couples thrive, the emotional terrain beneath their relationships can be complex. These are unions built on modern ideals but shaped by traditional pressures – the expectation to “having it all” and “doing it all” without complaint.
Australia’s data shows 17% of women have experienced partner violence since age 15, and one in three migrant women report domestic or family abuse. Among South Asian communities, studies show up to 32% of women have encountered or witnessed dowry-related coercion or financial control.
For others, the strain is more invisible- the emotional loneliness of being high-functioning but unsupported, successful yet unseen and sometimes unappreciated.
Many women quietly internalize this imbalance, convinced that struggle is the price of stability. They crave connection that goes beyond coordination.
“We long for our partners to truly see us – to talk beyond schedules and to-do lists, to share their dreams and fears, and to listen when we do the same.” says a millennial woman.
It is a simple need, but one often lost in the blur of responsibilities and unspoken expectations. When emotional intimacy is replaced by logistics, even love can begin to feel like another task to manage.
Motherhood and the Perfection Paradox
Parenting intensifies the internal divide. Many Indian-Australian mothers live in two worlds at once – raising children in a world built on shared roles, while still shaped by the hierarchies they once knew.”
They want to give their children freedom, but fear they’ll lose connection to heritage. They want to model ambition, but dread being judged for working late. Each decision -school choice, holiday plan, extracurricular activity, carries the invisible weight of comparison.
“We compare without meaning to. It is how guilt travels – from mothers to daughters, disguised as care.”
The Unseen Cost of Success
Statistically, Indian women in Australia are among the most educated and professionally accomplished migrant groups. Yet, many still measure their worth by how well they maintain relationships, not how far they have come.
The guilt of “having it all” manifests as over-functioning: the woman who manages every detail, smoothens every conflict, remembers every birthday. She is praised for her strength — and punished by her exhaustion.
Toward a New Definition of Having It All
But change is underway. Across Australia, Indian women’s circles, professional networks, and cultural platforms are reframing guilt not as weakness but as evidence of deep emotional intelligence.
The modern Indian woman is learning that balance is not about doing everything; it is about doing what matters most. She is learning that saying no to others can sometimes be the most powerful yes to herself. And she is beginning to see guilt not as a burden- but as a reminder of her capacity to care deeply while still claiming space for her own joy.
A New Feminine Wisdom
Perhaps this generation’s legacy won’t be the myth of having it all – but the wisdom to redefine what “all” really means.
It is not about perfection, but presence.
Not about sacrifice, but self-awareness.
Not about being everything to everyone, but being true to oneself first.
For today’s woman, freedom isn’t measured in balance but in belonging – in owning her choices, her flaws, and the evolving story of who she is.
