Blood, Bonds and Balancing Act
Exploring Adult Sibling Relationships in the Indian-Australian population.
Introduction: The Hidden Baggage
Sibling relationship is one of the longest relationships an individual has in most cases, as their parents, partners and offspring are in their lives for a comparatively shorter span of life, yet, for most adults’ sibling relationship isn’t the first relationship that comes to mind, when we speak about adult relationships. Over time, this relationship goes through major transformations as the roles of the individuals change within the family and as they start their own families, yet, it gets given very little credit for the value it holds. It is very easy to forget sometimes that your siblings have known you your whole life and they can understand you much better than you might think.
We recently celebrated Rakshabadhan and it got me thinking what it means in today’s world. In the olden days, the sister would tie the “Rakhi” on the brother’s wrist and in return the brother promises to protect the sister or be there to protect her honour. What does that symbolise for us today? In my opinion, it means having each other’s back and being there for each other not just to protect the honour but to share stories, make memories and continue the familial bond.
As we get older, another thing that occurs between siblings is the disconnect, sometimes due to distance, sometimes due to difference in opinions and sometimes due to sibling rivalry for property/ inheritance. When we think about sibling rivalries within the desi community, there are the rivalries that we have seen in movies and on television where it ranges from being backlisted from the families to fights breaking out and family members fighting over property, all in the name of family, the “khandaan”.
However, what starts as competition for parental approval/attention during childhood can evolve into adult disputes about money, caregiving, cultural obligations, or who “sacrificed more.” These rivalries are not just personal—they are often legacies of generational trauma, passed down through families shaped by migration, hierarchy, and unspoken sacrifices.
Have you ever considered the childhood squabbles over toys or who got the bigger slice of cake end up being the rivalries that gets passed on from generation to generation. Every time one sibling was told by the parent or an older to compromise over the will of the other, leaves an imprint within them that makes them feel a range of negative emotions ranging from jealousy, to lack of self-worth. As adults we may even think that one child compromising won’t matter much, but if that is the child compromising each time, it leaves an imprint within them. Sibling rivalries don’t necessarily fade with age, sometimes they deepen impacting the bonds that once held them together.
The pressing question for today’s millennial siblings is this: Do we continue the rivalries we inherited, or do we consciously break the cycle and heal?
Trauma Passed Down in Silence
Generational trauma is not always about one dramatic event—it is about the accumulation of hardships. For many Indian migrant families in Australia, trauma stems from:
Parents who worked multiple jobs to establish financial security.
Experiences of racism, marginalisation, or homesickness.
Authoritarian parenting styles where obedience outweighed emotional expression.
Children absorbed these pressures differently. One sibling may have been encouraged to overachieve as a way of validating the family’s sacrifices. Another may have been labelled the “rebellious one,” carrying the frustrations of generational struggle. Over time, these assigned roles harden into rivalry.
The Cultural Layer of Competition- PERCEPTION
In Indian families, comparison is often woven into everyday life. Praise for one child (“Your brother is so responsible”) often feels like a critique of the other. These small but frequent remarks create long-lasting fault lines.
A 2019 Journal of Family Psychology study found that siblings who experienced perceived parental favouritism were significantly more likely to report conflict well into adulthood. In diaspora families, where parents already face the burden of survival in a new country, these patterns can feel intensified.
The Diaspora Experience
For Indian Australian millennials, rivalry often stretches beyond family walls. It plays out in cultural milestones—who married “appropriately,” who retained their language, or who is seen as more “Australian” versus more “Indian.” These identity-based comparisons add another layer of tension that siblings in monocultural contexts may not face.
Emotional Fallout
Research from Purdue University found that adults with poor sibling relationships are more likely to suffer from loneliness, depression, and lower life satisfaction. Rivalries create emotional distance, replacing trust with suspicion and leaving siblings ill-equipped to lean on each other during crises.
Family Cohesion at Risk
In Indian families, siblings often act as the glue that holds extended kinship networks together. When rivalries escalate, that glue weakens. Weddings, festivals, and caregiving responsibilities become arenas of tension instead of connection.
One Melbourne-based millennial reflected:
“When my sister and I weren’t talking, it wasn’t just us who suffered. Family gatherings were divided, parents were stressed, and cousins felt they had to pick sides. Our rivalry rippled through the entire family.”
Contd. on next Month
